The Truth About Bedsharing

As promised; here is the second in the series of blog installations I had planned on the topic of co-sleeping and bedsharing. This is not a comprehensive guide, nor can this post come even close to listing all the numerous benefits you and your family will enjoy when you share a room, or better yet, a bed.

The Difference Bedsharing Can Make To Your Life:

A sounder-sleeping child.
A mother and/or father's presence at bedtime eases a child into sleep with an ambiance that resonates of safety and calmness(1). Think about this from the perspective of a child: biologically speaking (think back to the neolithic era) if a child was separated from his/her mother it meant that there was something severely wrong. The mother had died. There was no longer protection from predators; especially in the dead of night when the homosapien, a (typically) diurnal creature, is weakened by dulled vision.

Despite how many times you can explain to your child that there are no lions in their nursery, this is the way our bodies were hard-wired. It is instinct. It makes complete sense then, to imagine why babies and children have since the dawn of time had anxieties associated with the dark and nighttime, and why our presence is so important especially during these hours. When a child wakes during the night, your presence tells your child that it is OK to go back to sleep(1)-a vital signal that when forced to do without, a child will inevitably suffer bouts of wakefulness and anxiety throughout every given night(2).

A Feeling Of Calm For The Whole Family
Co-sleeping has been shown in innumerable studies reduces the stress hormone cortisol(1)(3) for all partaking parties. It stands to reason that when you are less stressed, you will be more focused-which means that, in sharing sleep, you gain the opportunity to become a better parent, as well as a better spouse.

Safety
As has been demonstrated by my last post, the risk of "Sudden Unexplained Death in Infancy (SUDI)" also known as SIDS, Cot Death or Crib Death, is decreased dramatically as are many other health hazards, when co-sleeping. Other safety hazards that can be avoided when co-sleeping include that your child could become trapped in a house fire, or kidnapped(4). If you are sleeping with your child, your childs safety is in your hands-when they are away from you, the amount of time it could take you to get to them may indeed only be seconds-but it could be moments too long if something were to happen. This is not a risk I would ever want to take, and we sleep soundly knowing our child is safe in bed with us until he is independent and capable of taking proper safety precautions.

Reduced Risk Of Health Complications
Stress can cause a number of health problems, including, but not limited to(5):
-Mental illness
-Obesity
-High blood pressure
-Heart disease
-Skin problems
-Menstrual disruptions.

With a reduction of the stress hormone cortisol, all bedsharing parties are less likely to suffer from ALL of the aforementioned complications.

Bedsharing makes for ease of feeding and other forms of tending to your child.
Your baby is right....there! Next to you. Which means if your child is hungry or needs a change of nappy, you are right there to respond as soon as they begin to stir. Breastfeeding is easier, even bottlefeeding is easier. Bedsharing infants have been proven by many scientific studies to take more frequent and longer feeds from the breast at night than those who do not(7). This proves to benefit a child and mother's health in ways I will mention in posts to come...;)

A greater sense of well-being in your children.
Long-term studies following people who had slept with their parents as children and those who had slept alone showed that the children who co-slept were "happier, reported less anxiety, had higher self esteem, were less likely to be afraid of sleep, had fewer behavioural problems, tended to be more comfortable with intimacy, and were generally more independent as adults(7)."

Bedsharing facilitates a close and loving bond between parents and their children(8).
Need I say more?

 References:
1. http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes
2. http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html#advantages
3. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1083020.ece
4. http://thebabybond.com/Cosleeping&SIDSFactSheet.html
5. http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/stress-your-health.cfm#e
6. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9240802
7. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-sleeping#Advantages
8. http://www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/Resources/Guidance-for-Health-Professionals/Writing-policies-and-guidelines/Sample-bedsharing-policy/

The Risks You Take When You Don't Share A Bed

The truth about family bedsharing/cosleeping is that it is the safest, most natural thing in the world. People who share a bed with their children sleep better, have happier children, and have lower stress levels. Before I delve into its many benefits, however, I want to take a look into an aspect of co-sleeping that not many people talk about...that is, the risks you take when you do not share a bed with your baby.

Everyone knows I share a bed with my family, and most people that live in the western world disagree with us on this practice. It is unsafe, they say. You could crush the baby in your sleep.
How wrong they are. Sudden Infant Death "Syndrome", AKA SIDS, is not a syndrome-this term is a misnomer and was once (properly) referred to as Cot Death or Crib Death (1)(2). The name has been changed to SIDS as to sugar coat the fact that it is in fact not co-sleeping, but placing your infant in a cot or a crib, especially in a seperate room, which is far more likely to contribute to death during infancy.

Why, you ask?
Safe bedsharing practices will prevent your baby from rolling onto their stomach during sleep, a position which can prove to be fatal in infancy(3). When your baby is sleeping in a cot or a crib, the only way that you can prevent them from rolling over is to stuff the crib with toys, crib bumpers ect-which can cause suffocation or other injuries(4). Worse yet is swaddling, which can carry a number of risks such as hip dysplasia, overheating, suffocation and more(5).

The fact is that, unless you are a drug abuser, have been drinking heavily, or are unaware of the baby's presence (all 3 I would highly recommend against if you are a new parent FULL STOP, much less if you are bed sharing) you will NOT roll over onto your baby in your sleep(6)! It just does not happen.

A further concern is that many parents who do NOT co-sleep tend to rely on Controlled Crying (CC) also known as Cry-It-Out or the Ferber method. This is where the baby or child is left to cry for increasing amounts of time until finally the child becomes so distressed that they learn to silence themselves. Some parents even use extinction, where the baby is left to cry and not tended to at all. This is so dangerous I do not even know where to begin. I have friends whom I have known for many years who have been sleep-trained as children, and they all attest to the damage it does: they have suffered from long term clinical depression, low self esteem, trust issues and several other psychological traumas. These and many more have all been proven to occur in children who have been left to cry at night(7). Children are not manipulative, they cry because they need something-be it nourishment, the comfort of their mothers' breast, a change of temperature, to go potty, ect. and as a parent it is your responsibility to tend to that need until a child is fully independent and ready, of their own volition, to be independent.

Certainly, many critics argue that it is dangerous to have a child sleep in bed with you, that they will become dependent. I argue this: it is human nature(8). CHILDREN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEPENDENT ON THEIR PARENTS. When you bring a child into this world, he or she should be able to depend on you your lives through. I have and will always need my parents, our relationships have not been perfect but I love without condition and know I can depend on my father (and could my mother when she were alive) when needed. I am unashamed to admit this and I want our son to know that he can always depend on us, need us. Always.

Please don't leave your innocent child alone at night, until they tell you they are ready...
----------------------------

Now that we know that co-sleeping is the safer option, let's look at why it is more desireable-and what benefits it can have to your physical and mental wellbeing. (Next blog to come shortly...)

REFERENCES:

1. http://www.prevent-sids.org/sids-or-crib-death.htm
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sudden_infant_death_syndrome
3. http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/babysleep.htm
4. http://www.creative-baby-nursery-rooms.com/sids-prevention.html
5. http://www.livestrong.com/article/165243-the-danger-in-swaddling-an-infant/
6. http://www.babycenter.com/404_is-there-a-chance-ill-roll-over-and-crush-my-baby-if-we-shar_7759.bc
7. http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/
8. http://www.continuum-concept.org/cc_defined.html

The Night The Doctor Went Crazy

To the tune of "The Night Santa Went Crazy" By Weird Al Yankovich

Down in the hospital all the moms were givin' birth
To perfect little girls and perfect little boys
When the doctor busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a clamp in his hands and blood on his breath
From his coat to his trousers, he was covered with tools
Like a big, ignorant and evil power-hungry fool (that he was)
And he grinned as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Welcome to the world little boy, now your innocence is mine!"

The night the doctor went crazy
The night that pr*ck went insane
He wanted everyone to be having a raw deal
Something really must have died in his brain

Well, the foreskin is gone now, he decided to amputate it
Everywhere you'll find spatterings of blood and lost faith, yeah
He lied to their parents and he held the boys hostage
And he ground up their frenulums as if making sausage
He got Johnny and Franky with an old Mogen clamp
And he slashed up poor Nathan who's still feeling the cramp
And he picked up a plastibell and he circumcised Norman
When he sliced off too much he said, "he'll be popular with women!"

The night the doctor went crazy
The night that *sshole went nuts
Now you can't hardly step foot in his office
Without him suggesting "you too, should get cut"

There's the worlds' Medical Associations and the intactivists
There's vans sent by the media, too
The parents circling 'round you, clenching their fists
The complications keep happening', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh, Doctor, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be a compassionate guy

Yes now in some countries he'd be doing time
In a federal prison for his sickening crime
Little friend, I can see why you'd cry all those tears
There are many doctors like him, there may be for many years
And now grown men have painful sex lives, many of them still nervous
With no clue what happened to them, they didn't deserve it
And those parents lay in bed, awake all of every night
Wondering why they and that doctor took away their son's rights!

They're talkin' bout - the night the doctor went crazy
The night mr ridiculous flipped
Sought revenge for all his own repressed traumas
Decided to hurt Babies, Daddies and Mamas

Wo, the night the doctor went crazy
The night that pr*ck went insane
He wanted everyone to be having a raw deal
Something really must have died in his brain
Wo, something really must have died in his brain
Tell ya, something really must have died... in his brain

Intactivista: Debunking The Myths Of Circumcision

"It's cleaner."
How so? When it is first performed it is extremely difficult to clean an open wound which is extremely prone to hemmorhaging (true), then a scab on your sons most sensitive parts-your baby will kick and scream and be traumatized by the changing of the bandages let alone the procedure. When you're older? Being cut doesn't guarantee that you wash yourself either sweet peas, thats up to the individual and whether they learned proper hygiene. Also, if you believe that a man should be cut because it's cleaner/easier to clean, you must also believe a woman should too because it is a hell of a lot more intricate to clean a womans bits than it is to a man's. And I hope to heavens that you would be OUTRAGED at the thought of circumcising a woman, right?

"It's only a piece of skin."
NOT TRUE. For most boys (around 77%), the foreskin is fused to the prepuce (glans) and does not retract until approximately 11-15 years of age(2), so in circumcising before then damage is also done to the prepuce (glans) and/or penile shaft. This simple visual guide will also show you how circumcision (dont worry it doesnt show anything happening. Its PG rated ;)) destroys around 1,000 nerve endings and takes away approx. 36% of penile shaft skin in the average penis: http://www.norm.org/notjust.html (3)

"When they're young they won't remember it anyway, so it doesn't matter."
Not true. OK, they probably won't remember it, but that doesn't mean it won't effect them. Traumatic events effect and shape who you become your entire life, starting as early as the stress your mother endures while pregnant with you(4), continuing into the distress you may experience from an imperfect birth(5), as indeed do forced traumas such as circumcision(6)(and many others, such as innoculations and spankings but I won't get into those yet.)

"He'll be embarrassed if he doesn't look like other boys in the locker room(this argument, as many of these, only applies if you live in the USA/Israel)"


If you're a good parent you should also teach him to be confident in his body so he won't. You should also have already discussed why he doesn't look like other boys before this situation arises, isn't this a no-brainer?

"Well, I want my son to look like his Dad."
He already does look like his Dad, unless His mother's hiding something. Why do his genitals need to look like yours? Should Mom grow a penis too so the whole family can match? Are you going to find someone to tattoo and pierce and dye your baby's hair exactly the way Dad's is too? If you lost a limb would you sever the same limb on your baby so he wouldn't wonder why you looked different than him? Great logic...

"It can be removed without adverse effects"
The foreskin's anatomical function is extremely important. Not only is it the most prime erogenous tissue(7), it also protects the glans in the way an eyelid protects the eye. When circumcised, the glans dries out and becomes keratinised from rubbing against clothing(8). It becomes calloused and decreases in sensitivity. Peyronie's disease can also occur later in life as a direct result of circumcision(9).

"Circumcision prevents venereal disease"
False. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics admits there is no link between circumcision status and VD/STD transmission(10).

"I was circumcised, and I'm/my partner/spouse is happy with my penis."
I'm glad you are happy with your penis! That's wonderful(no sarcasm intended)-whether you are circumcised or not, I think it's extremely important for a person and their partner to be happy with their body. However, just because you're happy with it doesn't mean everyone would be happy with that decision. On the chance that your son would not be happy with that decision, why would you force him into it before he can speak for himself? You are taking a risk he will grow up and resent you for what you have done to him and his sexuality.

"Hygiene will become an issue once they are old and are no longer mobile enough to clean themselves."
That is also true of women. We don't circumcise women for this fact. Nursing home nurses do their jobs with females, so they need to buck up and do their jobs with men and get the f*ck over it.

"The ladies like it better"
Sure, some do. It is a fact that male circumcision is however linked to painful sexual intercourse for females(11). The foreskin provides essential lubrication, so without it an added lubricant is often needed for comfortable intercourse and/or masturbation for circumcised males.

"A male must be circumcised to be Jewish."
Nooo. Any child borne of a Jewish mother is a Jew, be they circumcised or not. Most of the Jewish culture actually is not circumcised, and in fact many holy Jewish figures in the bible and otherwise have not been circumcised(12). There are also alternatives to circumcision such that a bris shalom celebration/ceremony can still be held without human rights being violated(12).

"It won't hurt."
Uhh, OK?? General anaesthesia is way too dangerous for infants, and local anaesthesia swells the area to an extent of making a poorly performed surgery too likely.(10) Not only will it hurt, A LOT, it will hurt for weeks to come, before it becomes desensitized that is. It may also effect your childs' eating, as many infants cannot get into many breastfeeding positions due to groin pain after circumcision. This may cause your baby to lose weight and be further traumatized by hunger and worsened pain by increased sensitivity caused by said hunger.

"It will prevent penile cancers"
"Men have a higher chance of getting BREAST CANCER (0.7% likelihood) than they do of getting penile cancer (0.09%). To argue that circumcision decreases the rate of penile cancer is like arguing that if we keep kids locked inside their bedroom their whole life they won't get struck by lightening outside. It is absurd. Yes, if you cut an organ off your body, you will not ever get cancer in that organ. Cut off the breasts, we will not get breast cancer...(13)

"I/my son/___(insert person here) am/was circ'd, and I/we/they turned out just fine."
I'm very glad, but is that worth the risk that the next child circumcised could even potentially suffer any of the adverse effects I've mentioned?

FACTS:

-No medical organisation in the entire world reccomends circumcision(14).
-Circumcision does not prevent any STDs or VDs(10).
-Circumcision is a traumatic event that can and does a person's intelligence and mental wellbeing.
-The foreskin is more than just a "piece of skin". It plays a vital role in human sexuality for both a man and his sexual partner.
-There is absolutely no non-cosmetic reason to routinely circumcise minors. If men were meant to have prepuces, they'd be born with them, right? :P In fact, there are other alternatives even when a child has phimosis, but I will rest my case here...for now, until someone can come up with any more arguments? Anyone?
References:

2. http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/info/retraction.html
3. http://www.norm.org
4.http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2007/jan/27/health.healthandwellbeing
5. http://www.yourdiscovery.com/homeandhealth/article.jsp?section_id=7&theme_id=23&subtheme_id=85&article_id=86&site=uk
6. http://www.circumcision.org/studies.htm
7. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erogenous_zone#Male
8. http://artofmanliness.com/2009/02/22/clip-the-tip-pointcounterpoint-on-male-circumcision/
9. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease
10. http://www.cirp.org/library/general/wallerstein/ ("VENEREAL DISEASE" and "PAIN")
11. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyspareunia#Causes
12. http://www.jewishcircumcision.org/spectator.htm
13. http://www.drmomma.org/2009/10/dads-view-of-circumcision.html
14. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_analysis_of_circumcision#Positions_of_major_health_organizations