For Every New or Expecting Parent...

When I was pregnant, I feared birth. I not only feared birth, but I feared parenting and knew little about the decisions I was making. Doctors did not prove trustworthy to me in this regard, and for all men and women expecting babies, I would like to write a few words of advice.

#1. Trust your body and trust birth.  How I wish I'd have known this whilst pregnant! People often tell horror stories to pregnant women about their terrible birthing experiences (totally unfair on the pregnant woman). When there are no complications, birth is not scary, and it does not even have to be painful. Women have been birthing for a million years (with no painkillers). Pregnancy is treated as an illness in western society, because there is money to be made in medical interventions. Whether you choose to birth in a hospital or at home (and it is only your choice to make!), remember that the tension of fear itsself is the majority of what makes birthing painful.

#2. Make no decisions before doing your own independent research.
There is no such thing as a medical intervention without risks. There is a time and a place for everything, and interventions do exist for a reason, but they are far overused. Create an extensive birthing plan based on your own weighing of risks and benefits and discuss your options with your healthcare provider in advance. Trust your instincts.

#3. Breastfeeding-try it out, if you can!
You can delay the return of your fertility for 6 months or more with exclusive breastfeeding, as well as aid in the prevention of cancer and other diseases for both you and your baby. Children always wean themselves naturally and gradually when they are ready (and especially if complimented with baby led solids). If you have difficulties breastfeeding, please don't feel that you have give up! You can contact La Leche League International, an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant, or The Breastfeeding Network for support and advice.

#4. Educate before you vaccinate (or use any drug, for that matter).
Whether or not you feel the need for vaccinations, please do your own research first and never make a decision before reading the patient product information leaflets (you can ask your doctor for these, or you can find them online). Vaccines are powerful drugs with ingredients that have the potential to cause many side effects and even death in rare instances. Many parents choose to follow a delayed schedule for vaccines (to lessen the impact of large doses of heavy metals) and even many are not vaccinating at all. You don't need to rush the decision though-remember that you can always vaccinate, but you can never un-vaccinate!

#5. Consider keeping children intact.
Some quick facts:
-Approximately 117 babies die every year from blood loss resulting from circumcision (1 infant death is enough for a crib recall, but this practice still continues)
-The foreskin alone contains more nerve endings than the female clitoris-not just a piece of skin!
-Urinary tract infections, HIV, HPV and many other illnesses have a much higher prevalence in the United States and Africa (where male circumcision is also commonly practiced) than they are in Europe, where circumcision is extremely rare.
-Circumcision, while not typically remembered by an infant, can and often does result in trust issues, bodily insecurity, sexual dysfunction, and difficulties breastfeeding.

For more information on circumcision, please visit www.drmomma.org or visit Keeping Future Sons Intact on facebook.

I've never regretted keeping my son intact!

#6. Go to your baby!
Humans are social sleepers, by nature. Babies are not born manipulative-in the wild, if a baby was left alone it meant that something horrible had happened to it's mother, and there was a potential of being eaten by lions. Now, I sincerely hope that there are no lions in your home, but it is nonetheless deeply ingrained in our being to need to sleep socially. Cosleeping or bedsharing are great (and very safe, when done properly) solutions, but even if you choose to use a crib and/or seperate room, pay attention to your baby's cues. Neurons in the brain are found to die in instances of prolonged distress, additionally it can damage the bond between parents and child.

#7. Be gentle with yourself.
Birth is regarded as needing much to do in our society, yet the post partum months are seldom given the attention they deserve. Yet, the rate of postnatal depression is higher than ever in western societies! To avoid postpartum depression, the mother needs time to bond with her child, to be allowed time to heal and get to know her baby, and to be shown love and kindness. A new father too, needs time to adjust. Employ the aide of family members and friends to bring meals and do light housework if at all possible. Most people will gladly help out for a chance to visit the new baby!

#8. Practice gentle parenting.
"Love me when I deserve it the least, for that is when I need it the most" -unknown author
Practicing compassion with children raises them to be independent, compassionate adults. You can set limits with empathy, and raise emotionally healthy beings without punishments. Use your words wisely, respond to needs as they arise, and stay connected. Research studies on discipline consistently show that punishment and consequences, as used by parents, create defiance in children and can break the bond of nurturing and trust with parent and child.

And, I cannot recommend enough that every parent read this page: http://www.continuum-concept.org/cc_defined.html

The Night The Doctor Went Crazy

To the tune of "The Night Santa Went Crazy" By Weird Al Yankovich

Down in the hospital all the moms were givin' birth
To perfect little girls and perfect little boys
When the doctor busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a clamp in his hands and blood on his breath
From his coat to his trousers, he was covered with tools
Like a big, ignorant and evil power-hungry fool (that he was)
And he grinned as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Welcome to the world little boy, now your innocence is mine!"

The night the doctor went crazy
The night that pr*ck went insane
He wanted everyone to be having a raw deal
Something really must have died in his brain

Well, the foreskin is gone now, he decided to amputate it
Everywhere you'll find spatterings of blood and lost faith, yeah
He lied to their parents and he held the boys hostage
And he ground up their frenulums as if making sausage
He got Johnny and Franky with an old Mogen clamp
And he slashed up poor Nathan who's still feeling the cramp
And he picked up a plastibell and he circumcised Norman
When he sliced off too much he said, "he'll be popular with women!"

The night the doctor went crazy
The night that *sshole went nuts
Now you can't hardly step foot in his office
Without him suggesting "you too, should get cut"

There's the worlds' Medical Associations and the intactivists
There's vans sent by the media, too
The parents circling 'round you, clenching their fists
The complications keep happening', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh, Doctor, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be a compassionate guy

Yes now in some countries he'd be doing time
In a federal prison for his sickening crime
Little friend, I can see why you'd cry all those tears
There are many doctors like him, there may be for many years
And now grown men have painful sex lives, many of them still nervous
With no clue what happened to them, they didn't deserve it
And those parents lay in bed, awake all of every night
Wondering why they and that doctor took away their son's rights!

They're talkin' bout - the night the doctor went crazy
The night mr ridiculous flipped
Sought revenge for all his own repressed traumas
Decided to hurt Babies, Daddies and Mamas

Wo, the night the doctor went crazy
The night that pr*ck went insane
He wanted everyone to be having a raw deal
Something really must have died in his brain
Wo, something really must have died in his brain
Tell ya, something really must have died... in his brain

Intactivista: Debunking The Myths Of Circumcision

"It's cleaner."
How so? When it is first performed it is extremely difficult to clean an open wound which is extremely prone to hemmorhaging (true), then a scab on your sons most sensitive parts-your baby will kick and scream and be traumatized by the changing of the bandages let alone the procedure. When you're older? Being cut doesn't guarantee that you wash yourself either sweet peas, thats up to the individual and whether they learned proper hygiene. Also, if you believe that a man should be cut because it's cleaner/easier to clean, you must also believe a woman should too because it is a hell of a lot more intricate to clean a womans bits than it is to a man's. And I hope to heavens that you would be OUTRAGED at the thought of circumcising a woman, right?

"It's only a piece of skin."
NOT TRUE. For most boys (around 77%), the foreskin is fused to the prepuce (glans) and does not retract until approximately 11-15 years of age(2), so in circumcising before then damage is also done to the prepuce (glans) and/or penile shaft. This simple visual guide will also show you how circumcision (dont worry it doesnt show anything happening. Its PG rated ;)) destroys around 1,000 nerve endings and takes away approx. 36% of penile shaft skin in the average penis: http://www.norm.org/notjust.html (3)

"When they're young they won't remember it anyway, so it doesn't matter."
Not true. OK, they probably won't remember it, but that doesn't mean it won't effect them. Traumatic events effect and shape who you become your entire life, starting as early as the stress your mother endures while pregnant with you(4), continuing into the distress you may experience from an imperfect birth(5), as indeed do forced traumas such as circumcision(6)(and many others, such as innoculations and spankings but I won't get into those yet.)

"He'll be embarrassed if he doesn't look like other boys in the locker room(this argument, as many of these, only applies if you live in the USA/Israel)"


If you're a good parent you should also teach him to be confident in his body so he won't. You should also have already discussed why he doesn't look like other boys before this situation arises, isn't this a no-brainer?

"Well, I want my son to look like his Dad."
He already does look like his Dad, unless His mother's hiding something. Why do his genitals need to look like yours? Should Mom grow a penis too so the whole family can match? Are you going to find someone to tattoo and pierce and dye your baby's hair exactly the way Dad's is too? If you lost a limb would you sever the same limb on your baby so he wouldn't wonder why you looked different than him? Great logic...

"It can be removed without adverse effects"
The foreskin's anatomical function is extremely important. Not only is it the most prime erogenous tissue(7), it also protects the glans in the way an eyelid protects the eye. When circumcised, the glans dries out and becomes keratinised from rubbing against clothing(8). It becomes calloused and decreases in sensitivity. Peyronie's disease can also occur later in life as a direct result of circumcision(9).

"Circumcision prevents venereal disease"
False. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics admits there is no link between circumcision status and VD/STD transmission(10).

"I was circumcised, and I'm/my partner/spouse is happy with my penis."
I'm glad you are happy with your penis! That's wonderful(no sarcasm intended)-whether you are circumcised or not, I think it's extremely important for a person and their partner to be happy with their body. However, just because you're happy with it doesn't mean everyone would be happy with that decision. On the chance that your son would not be happy with that decision, why would you force him into it before he can speak for himself? You are taking a risk he will grow up and resent you for what you have done to him and his sexuality.

"Hygiene will become an issue once they are old and are no longer mobile enough to clean themselves."
That is also true of women. We don't circumcise women for this fact. Nursing home nurses do their jobs with females, so they need to buck up and do their jobs with men and get the f*ck over it.

"The ladies like it better"
Sure, some do. It is a fact that male circumcision is however linked to painful sexual intercourse for females(11). The foreskin provides essential lubrication, so without it an added lubricant is often needed for comfortable intercourse and/or masturbation for circumcised males.

"A male must be circumcised to be Jewish."
Nooo. Any child borne of a Jewish mother is a Jew, be they circumcised or not. Most of the Jewish culture actually is not circumcised, and in fact many holy Jewish figures in the bible and otherwise have not been circumcised(12). There are also alternatives to circumcision such that a bris shalom celebration/ceremony can still be held without human rights being violated(12).

"It won't hurt."
Uhh, OK?? General anaesthesia is way too dangerous for infants, and local anaesthesia swells the area to an extent of making a poorly performed surgery too likely.(10) Not only will it hurt, A LOT, it will hurt for weeks to come, before it becomes desensitized that is. It may also effect your childs' eating, as many infants cannot get into many breastfeeding positions due to groin pain after circumcision. This may cause your baby to lose weight and be further traumatized by hunger and worsened pain by increased sensitivity caused by said hunger.

"It will prevent penile cancers"
"Men have a higher chance of getting BREAST CANCER (0.7% likelihood) than they do of getting penile cancer (0.09%). To argue that circumcision decreases the rate of penile cancer is like arguing that if we keep kids locked inside their bedroom their whole life they won't get struck by lightening outside. It is absurd. Yes, if you cut an organ off your body, you will not ever get cancer in that organ. Cut off the breasts, we will not get breast cancer...(13)

"I/my son/___(insert person here) am/was circ'd, and I/we/they turned out just fine."
I'm very glad, but is that worth the risk that the next child circumcised could even potentially suffer any of the adverse effects I've mentioned?

FACTS:

-No medical organisation in the entire world reccomends circumcision(14).
-Circumcision does not prevent any STDs or VDs(10).
-Circumcision is a traumatic event that can and does a person's intelligence and mental wellbeing.
-The foreskin is more than just a "piece of skin". It plays a vital role in human sexuality for both a man and his sexual partner.
-There is absolutely no non-cosmetic reason to routinely circumcise minors. If men were meant to have prepuces, they'd be born with them, right? :P In fact, there are other alternatives even when a child has phimosis, but I will rest my case here...for now, until someone can come up with any more arguments? Anyone?
References:

2. http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/info/retraction.html
3. http://www.norm.org
4.http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2007/jan/27/health.healthandwellbeing
5. http://www.yourdiscovery.com/homeandhealth/article.jsp?section_id=7&theme_id=23&subtheme_id=85&article_id=86&site=uk
6. http://www.circumcision.org/studies.htm
7. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erogenous_zone#Male
8. http://artofmanliness.com/2009/02/22/clip-the-tip-pointcounterpoint-on-male-circumcision/
9. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease
10. http://www.cirp.org/library/general/wallerstein/ ("VENEREAL DISEASE" and "PAIN")
11. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyspareunia#Causes
12. http://www.jewishcircumcision.org/spectator.htm
13. http://www.drmomma.org/2009/10/dads-view-of-circumcision.html
14. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_analysis_of_circumcision#Positions_of_major_health_organizations