For Every New or Expecting Parent...

When I was pregnant, I feared birth. I not only feared birth, but I feared parenting and knew little about the decisions I was making. Doctors did not prove trustworthy to me in this regard, and for all men and women expecting babies, I would like to write a few words of advice.

#1. Trust your body and trust birth.  How I wish I'd have known this whilst pregnant! People often tell horror stories to pregnant women about their terrible birthing experiences (totally unfair on the pregnant woman). When there are no complications, birth is not scary, and it does not even have to be painful. Women have been birthing for a million years (with no painkillers). Pregnancy is treated as an illness in western society, because there is money to be made in medical interventions. Whether you choose to birth in a hospital or at home (and it is only your choice to make!), remember that the tension of fear itsself is the majority of what makes birthing painful.

#2. Make no decisions before doing your own independent research.
There is no such thing as a medical intervention without risks. There is a time and a place for everything, and interventions do exist for a reason, but they are far overused. Create an extensive birthing plan based on your own weighing of risks and benefits and discuss your options with your healthcare provider in advance. Trust your instincts.

#3. Breastfeeding-try it out, if you can!
You can delay the return of your fertility for 6 months or more with exclusive breastfeeding, as well as aid in the prevention of cancer and other diseases for both you and your baby. Children always wean themselves naturally and gradually when they are ready (and especially if complimented with baby led solids). If you have difficulties breastfeeding, please don't feel that you have give up! You can contact La Leche League International, an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant, or The Breastfeeding Network for support and advice.

#4. Educate before you vaccinate (or use any drug, for that matter).
Whether or not you feel the need for vaccinations, please do your own research first and never make a decision before reading the patient product information leaflets (you can ask your doctor for these, or you can find them online). Vaccines are powerful drugs with ingredients that have the potential to cause many side effects and even death in rare instances. Many parents choose to follow a delayed schedule for vaccines (to lessen the impact of large doses of heavy metals) and even many are not vaccinating at all. You don't need to rush the decision though-remember that you can always vaccinate, but you can never un-vaccinate!

#5. Consider keeping children intact.
Some quick facts:
-Approximately 117 babies die every year from blood loss resulting from circumcision (1 infant death is enough for a crib recall, but this practice still continues)
-The foreskin alone contains more nerve endings than the female clitoris-not just a piece of skin!
-Urinary tract infections, HIV, HPV and many other illnesses have a much higher prevalence in the United States and Africa (where male circumcision is also commonly practiced) than they are in Europe, where circumcision is extremely rare.
-Circumcision, while not typically remembered by an infant, can and often does result in trust issues, bodily insecurity, sexual dysfunction, and difficulties breastfeeding.

For more information on circumcision, please visit www.drmomma.org or visit Keeping Future Sons Intact on facebook.

I've never regretted keeping my son intact!

#6. Go to your baby!
Humans are social sleepers, by nature. Babies are not born manipulative-in the wild, if a baby was left alone it meant that something horrible had happened to it's mother, and there was a potential of being eaten by lions. Now, I sincerely hope that there are no lions in your home, but it is nonetheless deeply ingrained in our being to need to sleep socially. Cosleeping or bedsharing are great (and very safe, when done properly) solutions, but even if you choose to use a crib and/or seperate room, pay attention to your baby's cues. Neurons in the brain are found to die in instances of prolonged distress, additionally it can damage the bond between parents and child.

#7. Be gentle with yourself.
Birth is regarded as needing much to do in our society, yet the post partum months are seldom given the attention they deserve. Yet, the rate of postnatal depression is higher than ever in western societies! To avoid postpartum depression, the mother needs time to bond with her child, to be allowed time to heal and get to know her baby, and to be shown love and kindness. A new father too, needs time to adjust. Employ the aide of family members and friends to bring meals and do light housework if at all possible. Most people will gladly help out for a chance to visit the new baby!

#8. Practice gentle parenting.
"Love me when I deserve it the least, for that is when I need it the most" -unknown author
Practicing compassion with children raises them to be independent, compassionate adults. You can set limits with empathy, and raise emotionally healthy beings without punishments. Use your words wisely, respond to needs as they arise, and stay connected. Research studies on discipline consistently show that punishment and consequences, as used by parents, create defiance in children and can break the bond of nurturing and trust with parent and child.

And, I cannot recommend enough that every parent read this page: http://www.continuum-concept.org/cc_defined.html

In response to my Relactation Story in Breastfeeding Matters

I had written to La Leche League after my article was printed, with the following comment:
"Breastfeeding Matters;
I got my issue today-I am very glad to have it it and happy to see our article printed in your magazine. I would like to clarify one thing that I am unhappy that you edited out of my Relactation Story. I wrote "I am glad formula exists for that reason." You edited out "for that reason." I am not glad formula exists, as a whole. It should be on prescription only, IMO, because it is an emergency food and nothing else-it is a dead food and NOT healthy for babies. If a family genuinely cannot breastfeed, they should seek an informed milksharing arrangement-formula being an absolute last reserve. It destroys babies' health that so many families are willing to give up and go this route so quickly-it is only because it is convenient and the risks of not feeding a baby breastmilk are not commonly known, which I feel as one of the nations' leading sources of breastfeeding information, it should be a key duty of the LLL to inform mothers of this risk. I want people to know how I really feel on this issue. 
-Yardana Sirken of Looe, Cornwall, Relactation Story p.6"


I sent the article, along with this note, to a friend. Her reply is so kind!
This is so so so  beautiful!  I knew instantly what part was edited and I didn’t even read your comments in your email til after.  When I read it – I was thinking there is no way you would have said that knowing what I do know about you.  Otherwise – it is an incredible story and I am so proud of you.  This story needs to be told often.  You know – what Emma posted on your page rings true in this instance: While breastfeeding may not seem the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby.  To me that says that it isn’t always what is comfortable for the mother or what is easy….what you overcame to get your breastfeeding relationship wasn’t easy at all – but it wasn’t about you.  Well, breastfeeding is partly about the mother – but I think first and foremost about the nutrition and bonding for the babe.  You are awesome, Carrot!

Dear Bonnie;
I am grinning ear to ear! Thank you so much for your beautiful comments. What sweet, sweet things to say, and I could not agree with you and Emma more which is why I went through what I did. I went through blood, sweat and tears (literally) to get my breastfeeding relationship because there was no option to me. I have had a lot of hateful comments because of this article as well, from both breastfeeding and non-breastfeeding mothers who think it is a personal choice and that I should not judge motehrs who cannot breastfeed. I don't know what they don't understand about the fact that I am part of HM4HB (blog readers: If you have not heard of this network, look it up. NOW. :)), but I am part of it BECAUSE I want to HELP the children of mothers who have not been able to get through these issues, because I well know that these problems are by no means easy or uncomplicated and not everyone knows to get the resources to work through them and that not breastfeeding does not always equal lazy. It is so sad that people's insecurities due to them choosing to take the easy, lazy route of simply not trying means they think that I am judging them. I do feel so bad for mothers who genuinely wish to and cannot/have not been able to overcome the difficulties in order to breastfeed, because having experienced both bottle and breastfeeding I can honestly say that breastfeeding brings a mother and her baby closer together. When I was feeding Osrid exclusively pumped milk from a bottle, I could not wake up in the night when he was screaming for me-and we are bedsharers! Thankfully, his father woke up when he cried. Now, not so long after I submitted the article, I changed to exclusively breastfeeding instead of combined pumping and breastfeeding because I realised that being a full time stay-at-home-mum, I had absolutely no excuse not to, and I was being unfair to my child since he quite obviously preferred the breast-his father, although he liked feeding O.O., was not disheartened, because he agreed and was relieved at the extra rest. Once I switched to exclusively breastfeeding, O.O. became an even happier boy, he slept better, *I* slept WAY better, and I began to wake the instant he did-funny that-and our bonding increased drastically. There is no comparison. My son's father decided to join in the bonding by cuddling us and stroking us sometimes while he feeds, something he still does. Our family dynamic is so much better. I only pump now to freeze milk for donating and for cooking (cows' milk? No thanks). To put a long story short, I love breastfeeding!
~Yardana 

Breastmilk And The Adult Human Body-A Follow-Up

I apologise for the delay between posts. I decided that it would be in the better interest of the 24 hour breastmilk project to wait some time after it had ended to continually discuss with my husband on the subject of his health, so that I might gain a better understanding of the effects that breastfeeding had on his body over a more substantial period of time.

So, those of you who have taken a genuine interest in this project are probably keen to know by now what happened during this project.

It is important to note that my husband started to feel a virus coming on right before we started this, so this may have impacted the results of all of this. For this reason, we will probably be recording another project in the not-too-distant-future. Well, my husband decided before our "24 hour clock" had started on the project, to have his final evening meal. He then lazed about once the clock had struck, watched some television and went to bed without breastfeeding, as he was still quite full from his meal, and opted not to wake for night feedings as he was feeling unwell and wished not to disturb his body unless/until it needed something.

So, he did not end up feeding until we woke up many hours later (I had fed our just shy of 11 month old son, who is it seems having a major growth spurt as he is feeding and sleeping a LOT) many times during the night and we woke up almost 12 hours later. He fed at random intervals throughout the day, and I asked him at various points how he was feeling.

He reported something that surprised me earlier on in the day, which was that his stomach felt quite empty but that he felt no need whatsoever to eat(solid food that is). I anticipated that the opposite would happen, being that he was having nothing but breastmilk and water-that he would quench his thirst, fill his belly, but feel a strong need to eat solid food.

TMI part here, so look away/skip this part if it bothers you:

My husband has a lot of gut issues, such as pain and frequent/urgent, liquidish bowel movements. He reported that his bowel movements were more solid, less frequent, and that his intestinal area felt much more comfortable-and this had a somewhat residual effect through the following day, though not permanent.

He also appears less puffy in the face. We are disappointed to say that we could not weigh him as the battery in the scale seems to have DIED since the day before, so I cannot say as to what effect it has had on his weight, but by appearances I would say it has been a good one.

By the end of the (24 hour, that is) day, Paul was feeling rather tired and did need to eat quite badly, but overall he feels it went quite well and wants to try it again soon!

Now, how was I through all of this, you ask?

Well, surprisingly, I did not have any milk supply issues. I thought I might have, considering especially how often our son is feeding right now. However, I did take extra iron, iodine and B12 prior to this little expirement of ours, and made sure to keep myself very well hydrated.

My nipples felt fine, too, I felt no particular sensitivities or anything to note. I have taught my husband to have a very good latch, however, so I imagine it isn't much too different than the feeling of tandem-feeding children.

How was O.O.?

He was fine. During the feeds when his father and him were at the breast simultaneously, they were both very cuddly, and Osrid is finding it very funny as well when his father feeds with him sometimes when he is in a more energetic mood-I think something about Paul's big curly hairs make him giggle. I will tell you it feels very silly having two boys giggling on your breasts!!

Feel free to ask me any questions-I will be happy to answer any comments that are left respectfully :)

The Truth About Bedsharing

As promised; here is the second in the series of blog installations I had planned on the topic of co-sleeping and bedsharing. This is not a comprehensive guide, nor can this post come even close to listing all the numerous benefits you and your family will enjoy when you share a room, or better yet, a bed.

The Difference Bedsharing Can Make To Your Life:

A sounder-sleeping child.
A mother and/or father's presence at bedtime eases a child into sleep with an ambiance that resonates of safety and calmness(1). Think about this from the perspective of a child: biologically speaking (think back to the neolithic era) if a child was separated from his/her mother it meant that there was something severely wrong. The mother had died. There was no longer protection from predators; especially in the dead of night when the homosapien, a (typically) diurnal creature, is weakened by dulled vision.

Despite how many times you can explain to your child that there are no lions in their nursery, this is the way our bodies were hard-wired. It is instinct. It makes complete sense then, to imagine why babies and children have since the dawn of time had anxieties associated with the dark and nighttime, and why our presence is so important especially during these hours. When a child wakes during the night, your presence tells your child that it is OK to go back to sleep(1)-a vital signal that when forced to do without, a child will inevitably suffer bouts of wakefulness and anxiety throughout every given night(2).

A Feeling Of Calm For The Whole Family
Co-sleeping has been shown in innumerable studies reduces the stress hormone cortisol(1)(3) for all partaking parties. It stands to reason that when you are less stressed, you will be more focused-which means that, in sharing sleep, you gain the opportunity to become a better parent, as well as a better spouse.

Safety
As has been demonstrated by my last post, the risk of "Sudden Unexplained Death in Infancy (SUDI)" also known as SIDS, Cot Death or Crib Death, is decreased dramatically as are many other health hazards, when co-sleeping. Other safety hazards that can be avoided when co-sleeping include that your child could become trapped in a house fire, or kidnapped(4). If you are sleeping with your child, your childs safety is in your hands-when they are away from you, the amount of time it could take you to get to them may indeed only be seconds-but it could be moments too long if something were to happen. This is not a risk I would ever want to take, and we sleep soundly knowing our child is safe in bed with us until he is independent and capable of taking proper safety precautions.

Reduced Risk Of Health Complications
Stress can cause a number of health problems, including, but not limited to(5):
-Mental illness
-Obesity
-High blood pressure
-Heart disease
-Skin problems
-Menstrual disruptions.

With a reduction of the stress hormone cortisol, all bedsharing parties are less likely to suffer from ALL of the aforementioned complications.

Bedsharing makes for ease of feeding and other forms of tending to your child.
Your baby is right....there! Next to you. Which means if your child is hungry or needs a change of nappy, you are right there to respond as soon as they begin to stir. Breastfeeding is easier, even bottlefeeding is easier. Bedsharing infants have been proven by many scientific studies to take more frequent and longer feeds from the breast at night than those who do not(7). This proves to benefit a child and mother's health in ways I will mention in posts to come...;)

A greater sense of well-being in your children.
Long-term studies following people who had slept with their parents as children and those who had slept alone showed that the children who co-slept were "happier, reported less anxiety, had higher self esteem, were less likely to be afraid of sleep, had fewer behavioural problems, tended to be more comfortable with intimacy, and were generally more independent as adults(7)."

Bedsharing facilitates a close and loving bond between parents and their children(8).
Need I say more?

 References:
1. http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes
2. http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html#advantages
3. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1083020.ece
4. http://thebabybond.com/Cosleeping&SIDSFactSheet.html
5. http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/stress-your-health.cfm#e
6. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9240802
7. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-sleeping#Advantages
8. http://www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/Resources/Guidance-for-Health-Professionals/Writing-policies-and-guidelines/Sample-bedsharing-policy/

The Risks You Take When You Don't Share A Bed

The truth about family bedsharing/cosleeping is that it is the safest, most natural thing in the world. People who share a bed with their children sleep better, have happier children, and have lower stress levels. Before I delve into its many benefits, however, I want to take a look into an aspect of co-sleeping that not many people talk about...that is, the risks you take when you do not share a bed with your baby.

Everyone knows I share a bed with my family, and most people that live in the western world disagree with us on this practice. It is unsafe, they say. You could crush the baby in your sleep.
How wrong they are. Sudden Infant Death "Syndrome", AKA SIDS, is not a syndrome-this term is a misnomer and was once (properly) referred to as Cot Death or Crib Death (1)(2). The name has been changed to SIDS as to sugar coat the fact that it is in fact not co-sleeping, but placing your infant in a cot or a crib, especially in a seperate room, which is far more likely to contribute to death during infancy.

Why, you ask?
Safe bedsharing practices will prevent your baby from rolling onto their stomach during sleep, a position which can prove to be fatal in infancy(3). When your baby is sleeping in a cot or a crib, the only way that you can prevent them from rolling over is to stuff the crib with toys, crib bumpers ect-which can cause suffocation or other injuries(4). Worse yet is swaddling, which can carry a number of risks such as hip dysplasia, overheating, suffocation and more(5).

The fact is that, unless you are a drug abuser, have been drinking heavily, or are unaware of the baby's presence (all 3 I would highly recommend against if you are a new parent FULL STOP, much less if you are bed sharing) you will NOT roll over onto your baby in your sleep(6)! It just does not happen.

A further concern is that many parents who do NOT co-sleep tend to rely on Controlled Crying (CC) also known as Cry-It-Out or the Ferber method. This is where the baby or child is left to cry for increasing amounts of time until finally the child becomes so distressed that they learn to silence themselves. Some parents even use extinction, where the baby is left to cry and not tended to at all. This is so dangerous I do not even know where to begin. I have friends whom I have known for many years who have been sleep-trained as children, and they all attest to the damage it does: they have suffered from long term clinical depression, low self esteem, trust issues and several other psychological traumas. These and many more have all been proven to occur in children who have been left to cry at night(7). Children are not manipulative, they cry because they need something-be it nourishment, the comfort of their mothers' breast, a change of temperature, to go potty, ect. and as a parent it is your responsibility to tend to that need until a child is fully independent and ready, of their own volition, to be independent.

Certainly, many critics argue that it is dangerous to have a child sleep in bed with you, that they will become dependent. I argue this: it is human nature(8). CHILDREN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEPENDENT ON THEIR PARENTS. When you bring a child into this world, he or she should be able to depend on you your lives through. I have and will always need my parents, our relationships have not been perfect but I love without condition and know I can depend on my father (and could my mother when she were alive) when needed. I am unashamed to admit this and I want our son to know that he can always depend on us, need us. Always.

Please don't leave your innocent child alone at night, until they tell you they are ready...
----------------------------

Now that we know that co-sleeping is the safer option, let's look at why it is more desireable-and what benefits it can have to your physical and mental wellbeing. (Next blog to come shortly...)

REFERENCES:

1. http://www.prevent-sids.org/sids-or-crib-death.htm
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sudden_infant_death_syndrome
3. http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/babysleep.htm
4. http://www.creative-baby-nursery-rooms.com/sids-prevention.html
5. http://www.livestrong.com/article/165243-the-danger-in-swaddling-an-infant/
6. http://www.babycenter.com/404_is-there-a-chance-ill-roll-over-and-crush-my-baby-if-we-shar_7759.bc
7. http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/
8. http://www.continuum-concept.org/cc_defined.html