The Night The Doctor Went Crazy

To the tune of "The Night Santa Went Crazy" By Weird Al Yankovich

Down in the hospital all the moms were givin' birth
To perfect little girls and perfect little boys
When the doctor busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a clamp in his hands and blood on his breath
From his coat to his trousers, he was covered with tools
Like a big, ignorant and evil power-hungry fool (that he was)
And he grinned as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Welcome to the world little boy, now your innocence is mine!"

The night the doctor went crazy
The night that pr*ck went insane
He wanted everyone to be having a raw deal
Something really must have died in his brain

Well, the foreskin is gone now, he decided to amputate it
Everywhere you'll find spatterings of blood and lost faith, yeah
He lied to their parents and he held the boys hostage
And he ground up their frenulums as if making sausage
He got Johnny and Franky with an old Mogen clamp
And he slashed up poor Nathan who's still feeling the cramp
And he picked up a plastibell and he circumcised Norman
When he sliced off too much he said, "he'll be popular with women!"

The night the doctor went crazy
The night that *sshole went nuts
Now you can't hardly step foot in his office
Without him suggesting "you too, should get cut"

There's the worlds' Medical Associations and the intactivists
There's vans sent by the media, too
The parents circling 'round you, clenching their fists
The complications keep happening', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh, Doctor, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be a compassionate guy

Yes now in some countries he'd be doing time
In a federal prison for his sickening crime
Little friend, I can see why you'd cry all those tears
There are many doctors like him, there may be for many years
And now grown men have painful sex lives, many of them still nervous
With no clue what happened to them, they didn't deserve it
And those parents lay in bed, awake all of every night
Wondering why they and that doctor took away their son's rights!

They're talkin' bout - the night the doctor went crazy
The night mr ridiculous flipped
Sought revenge for all his own repressed traumas
Decided to hurt Babies, Daddies and Mamas

Wo, the night the doctor went crazy
The night that pr*ck went insane
He wanted everyone to be having a raw deal
Something really must have died in his brain
Wo, something really must have died in his brain
Tell ya, something really must have died... in his brain