When I was pregnant, I feared birth. I not only feared birth, but I feared parenting and knew little about the decisions I was making. Doctors did not prove trustworthy to me in this regard, and for all men and women expecting babies, I would like to write a few words of advice.
#1. Trust your body and trust birth. How I wish I'd have known this whilst pregnant! People often tell horror stories to pregnant women about their terrible birthing experiences (totally unfair on the pregnant woman). When there are no complications, birth is not scary, and it does not even have to be painful. Women have been birthing for a million years (with no painkillers). Pregnancy is treated as an illness in western society, because there is money to be made in medical interventions. Whether you choose to birth in a hospital or at home (and it is only your choice to make!), remember that the tension of fear itsself is the majority of what makes birthing painful.
#2. Make no decisions before doing your own independent research.
There is no such thing as a medical intervention without risks. There is a time and a place for everything, and interventions do exist for a reason, but they are far overused. Create an extensive birthing plan based on your own weighing of risks and benefits and discuss your options with your healthcare provider in advance. Trust your instincts.
#3. Breastfeeding-try it out, if you can!
You can delay the return of your fertility for 6 months or more with exclusive breastfeeding, as well as aid in the prevention of cancer and other diseases for both you and your baby. Children always wean themselves naturally and gradually when they are ready (and especially if complimented with baby led solids). If you have difficulties breastfeeding, please don't feel that you have give up! You can contact La Leche League International, an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant, or The Breastfeeding Network for support and advice.
#4. Educate before you vaccinate (or use any drug, for that matter).
Whether or not you feel the need for vaccinations, please do your own research first and never make a decision before reading the patient product information leaflets (you can ask your doctor for these, or you can find them online). Vaccines are powerful drugs with ingredients that have the potential to cause many side effects and even death in rare instances. Many parents choose to follow a delayed schedule for vaccines (to lessen the impact of large doses of heavy metals) and even many are not vaccinating at all. You don't need to rush the decision though-remember that you can always vaccinate, but you can never un-vaccinate!
#5. Consider keeping children intact.
Some quick facts:
-Approximately 117 babies die every year from blood loss resulting from circumcision (1 infant death is enough for a crib recall, but this practice still continues)
-The foreskin alone contains more nerve endings than the female clitoris-not just a piece of skin!
-Urinary tract infections, HIV, HPV and many other illnesses have a much higher prevalence in the United States and Africa (where male circumcision is also commonly practiced) than they are in Europe, where circumcision is extremely rare.
-Circumcision, while not typically remembered by an infant, can and often does result in trust issues, bodily insecurity, sexual dysfunction, and difficulties breastfeeding.
For more information on circumcision, please visit www.drmomma.org or visit Keeping Future Sons Intact on facebook.
I've never regretted keeping my son intact!
#6. Go to your baby!
Humans are social sleepers, by nature. Babies are not born manipulative-in the wild, if a baby was left alone it meant that something horrible had happened to it's mother, and there was a potential of being eaten by lions. Now, I sincerely hope that there are no lions in your home, but it is nonetheless deeply ingrained in our being to need to sleep socially. Cosleeping or bedsharing are great (and very safe, when done properly) solutions, but even if you choose to use a crib and/or seperate room, pay attention to your baby's cues. Neurons in the brain are found to die in instances of prolonged distress, additionally it can damage the bond between parents and child.
#7. Be gentle with yourself.
Birth is regarded as needing much to do in our society, yet the post partum months are seldom given the attention they deserve. Yet, the rate of postnatal depression is higher than ever in western societies! To avoid postpartum depression, the mother needs time to bond with her child, to be allowed time to heal and get to know her baby, and to be shown love and kindness. A new father too, needs time to adjust. Employ the aide of family members and friends to bring meals and do light housework if at all possible. Most people will gladly help out for a chance to visit the new baby!
#8. Practice gentle parenting.
"Love me when I deserve it the least, for that is when I need it the most" -unknown author
Practicing compassion with children raises them to be independent, compassionate adults. You can set limits with empathy, and raise emotionally healthy beings without punishments. Use your words wisely, respond to needs as they arise, and stay connected. Research studies on discipline consistently show that punishment and consequences, as used by parents, create defiance in children and can break the bond of nurturing and trust with parent and child.
And, I cannot recommend enough that every parent read this page: http://www.continuum-concept.org/cc_defined.html
